Toys with a twist

A not-so-dirty little secret: sex is good for you! It may lengthen your life, boost your heart health and immune system, reduce pain and stress and improve your sleep. As for sex toys there is no proven evidence yet that they directly improve your health, however the affects they have on a persons body … well yes. Sex isn’t just about intercourse and penetration. For those who are comfortable using toys, they will bring a lot of self pleasure or pleasure with a partner.

Research shows that more and more woman are using vibrators now days, especially those under the age of 30. Now you are never too old to use a sex toy.  While some woman are afraid that their partners will be threatened by the sex toys, this is not usually the case, it is actually known to improve a couples sex life by having a more playful and adventurous attitude to sex. Introducing sex toys into a relationship if not already there is something that needs to be done as a couple. Research online stores or sex books together, to explore each others passions and desires, weather it may be a fantasy or just something that has intrigued both of you.  Not sure if your partner will find sex toys a turn-on or a turn-off, Create a  questionnaire for your partner which would ask questions you would not usually ask, this will give you an idea of the type of toys that will best suite you both. Try having a date night to shop online and research the different types of toys, how to use them and keep them clean, even if you don’t purchase anything, it can be fun and enlightening.

Sex toys that are good for beginners include egg-shaped vibrators, the bullet and vibrating penis rings of which can be worn during intercourse and is a delight for both partners.  Some couples prefer to wear Plug-ins and wands that look just like a regular massager and provide a higher intensity of pleasure. Do your research on each product before clicking “add to cart” as you will also need to know what type of cleaner you can use etc. You also don’t want to get hurt or hurt your partner with something that can bring great pleasure.

  1. Great sex is good for you; One area sex toys can help with simply making sex more enjoyable and help couples explore what turns them on.
  2. Sex toys can rejuvenate vaginas; Some of the most uncomfortable stages of Menopause are gynecological, of which result in vaginal dryness and decreased sex drive.  Vibrators can alleviate these symptoms vibrators  (by improving the tone and elasticity of vaginal walls and improving sexual sensation) and also promote vaginal lubrication. Sex toys can also be useful following gynecological surgery or even after childbirth.
  3. Sex toys help men too; Men who use sex toys are less likely to be burdened with erectile dysfunction, difficulty reaching orgasm and low sex drive. Male products can help men overcome erectile dysfunction, following prostate surgery or treatment, diabetes, heart disease, spinal cord injury and neurological conditions by promoting the blood flow into the erectile tissues and stimulating the nerves to help the man have an erection without them having to take “little blue pills” etc.
  4. Sex isn’t just about penetration; There is a reason sexperts stress the importance of foreplay, its not all about “wham bam, thank you MAM”. Most woman cannot orgasm through penetration alone, no matter how turned on they are. Stimulating the clitoris can be the key to satisfying climaxes and sex toys can make that easier. Vibrators can be really useful for vulvae pain conditions such as vulvodynia, where penetration can be tricky to achieve.
  5. Vibrators can be better than medical dilators for vaginismus; Vaginismus, a condition in which a woman’s vaginal muscles tense up involuntarily, when penetration is attempted is generally treated using medical dilators of increasing sizes to allow the patient to begin with the thinnest dilator and slowly progress to the next size. Some health experts recommend vibrators instead of the standard dilator. In simple terms is a problem because you can get stuck together.
  6. Organic Lubricant; one of the best lubricants around being PH balanced and free from glycerin, glycols and parabens, all of which are vaginal irritants (look for YES organic lubricant).
  7. A Bullet style vibrator; This is a good first step into the world of sex toys as these are very small but powerful, they offer vibratory stimulation for solo or couples play, especially useful if you are someone who struggles to orgasm through penetrative sex.
  8. Skin safe slim vibrator; A slim vibrator can be used to help you enjoy comfortable penetration or clitoral stimulation. I would recommend a “roger rabbit”if you looking for penetration and clitoral stimulation.

Whats the proper way to clean sex toys?

Never submerge a battery-operated sex toy or an electric non-waterproof vibrator. You can boil silicone, glass and Pyrex toys or run them through the dishwasher as long as they don’t have electrical components. Many products can clean a toy, but leftover residue may be irritating later. If you have a vibrator that can’t be rinsed, wipe off the cleaning agent residue with a clean wet cloth. Liquid hand soap or dish soap is strong enough in most cases, and hydrogen peroxide is a fairly mild germicide. Silicone stands up to harsher chemicals like bleach better than other soft toys will, but the harsher the chemical, the more vital it is to ensure residue is rinsed off completely.

The unspoken, Sex Therapy.

Firstly, what is it that a sex therapist does?

One opinion i found was; A sex therapist addresses a person’s psychological  or physical sexual problems.

The other opinion i found was; A sex therapist can be a psychiatrist, marriage and family therapist, a psychologist or a clinical social worker. As a sex therapist they may also have degrees in being a marriage and family therapist.

I would think that seeing a sex therapist can help boost your bond in and out of the bedroom, now at what point do you actually seek help from a sex therapist… In my opinion you should never have to, however not all partners are honest to themselves about what they enjoy or what they don’t enjoy, Never mind still trying to explain that to their partner. For those people then perhaps you should seek counselling, it will help you and your partner work through these issues in a supportive and educational environment.

So what does sex therapy entail? Read on to discover some truth about this type of therapy.

  1. Sex therapy is like other forms of counseling

Contrary to what some people believe, there is nothing strange or kinky going on behind the walls of a sex therapist’s office. sex therapy is conducted by a person trained in psychological methods of treatment and rehabilitation for sex and relationship problems.

2. You will get the opportunity to explore the Psychological side of sex

The therapist will help you work through your emotional issues that may be contributing to the issues. Sex therapy begins with learning about performance anxiety and then moves on to teaching a couple how to establish open lines of communication in order to discuss their sexual wants and needs or explore the couples issues causing the relationship stress.

3. There might be homework

Nothing of a sexual nature will be expected in the therapists offices. However the therapist may suggest you try something called sensate focus exercises, which are designed to help you attune more to your partner, of which these exercises are done in stages, starting with your basic touching etc, eventually leading up to the final stage of experiencing intercourse with the pleasure you should have.

4.  It will help to bring your partner

If you deal wit the issues as a couple, it’s a good idea to go along to sessions together. However if you are looking to work on personal issues then clearly you may need to meet with your therapist one on one before bringing your partner with.

5. You keep your clothes on

Under no circumstances are you expected or should you have to take your clothes off. It is not a show and tell…..

6. You should definitely be picky when choosing a therapist

Check credentials, ask for references, make sure you find a therapist who is qualified to help you. Perhaps word of mouth is a way to find the perfect therapist.. excuse the pun.

7. Sex therapy isn’t for everyone

Something to remember is that sex therapy is similar to psychological counseling – that means it won’t fix any physical limitations that are leading to sexual dysfunction. What it can help with is problems that are primarily mental or emotional in nature.


This doesn’t mean that if you are no longer attracted to your partner in a sexual manner that all is lost, there are many ways to re – kindle that sexual desire.

Keep a look out for my upcoming posts.. We will explore the adventure to getting back that spark….


Getting to know the real you?!

Now you might be saying, I know who i am…. what a load of hog wash?? Just hear me out a little…

Your only limit in life, is YOU.

Do you work your self to such a stupa that you actually out to prove a point?? Make yourself so sick with lack of sleep and stress. Just because you are out to prove a point to the world. You wouldn’t feel the need to prove yourself to anyone if you knew who you truly were and you honestly had faith in your capabilities and goals. (Realize you don’t need to prove your worth to anyone or anything in the world)

What is it you truly enjoy. Many people feel they don’t have the time at all to do something or anything they may enjoy. Most of those people can’t even say if or what it is they enjoy. Do you have a hobby? Is that hobby just to keep your mind busy or is therapeutic, or is it something you actually enjoy. Take a step back from all your chaos and busy lifestyle to reflect back on what was it that made you truly joyful and happy inside, now this may take time… and no its not that squishy first love type of joy… It is more the sense of overwhelming peace and joy. (Take the time to figure out what it is you enjoy) and make a point of doing things for you.

People have their own opinions of which grow into expectations. IE; People you work with will always expect that one person to fix everything, to work late with no overtime, or it may be a friend that always expects you to be the one to pick up the pieces from a late night out, or expect you to just keep doing everything for them at a drop of a hat without ever just sending you a message to say hi. The world is full of expectations, doctors are expected to fix patients and cure diseases, yet this is their profession and misunderstood by us humans (surely they a doctor they can make every illness or disease better) no this is the expectation and not what they can do, they have dedicated their lives to studying the profession. So how is it you allow people’s expectations to not get you down and put pressure on you, well firstly ask yourself, can you control other people’s thoughts, um no. Can you control other people’s opinions, um no. So therefore you need to ( Let go of all the expectations) don’t let them cloud your visions and goals in life.

Why do we as humans, especially growing up teens work so hard to fit in? Its almost as though they have forgotten who they are and what values they stand for, that they are willing to change everything about themselves JUST TO FIT IN. Adults do exactly the same thing, for instance a non smoker that all of a sudden starts smoking just to be included in the office gossip or they think its cool because if they smoke they have staff socializing with them that never used too even look their way. People are needy for attention, because of the boredom they face in reality in their own lives. Accept that you are different and you don’t need to fit in or be accepted by anyone to live your life ( Know fitting in is highly overrated)

Change, something in life that is constantly happening and that not many people embrace. You may have a set path that you see your life going, however it is never a straight road, you will always have up’s and down’s. It makes no difference if the road is long and winding to reach your goal or if it is a short a narrow road, or if you drive, fly or walk. The point is no matter how long it takes, you need to make sure that your end result is what you want. (Life is not set in stone, it is okay for things to change)

The pressure to succeed. The pressure to put out the quality of work you know you are passionate about, yet you overlook that one important detail, that by chance makes someone else question your success or quality of work. If you are one of those who are passionate about what you do, then you would judge every bit of work you push out and you will do this without realizing you actually putting yourself under so much unnecessary stress. We are all human and accept that you can and are allowed to slip up every now and again. (Don’t be your own worst enemy and judge yourself)

It is not always easy to actually pull this all off with a clear view,  however step back breath and avoid the negativity, all the above clouds your mind, heart and soul. If you can’t control it don’t stress about it. Be true to you, work on making things work for you. Yes life is busy and chaotic, however we only live once.

Leave a legacy behind that will never be forgotten. You are here today and the time is now. Don’t watch the time tick past, do what the clock does, keep going. Live your life with no regrets.

Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can. -Arthur Ashe-


The race to the finish line

The race? Well life is the race.

We are born into the world by our loving parents, then there is the race to growing up. Your first steps, your first word, your first day of school. Growing up I was taught you need to be able to stand on your own two feet and fight for what you believe in. I was also taught that you only ever fight if it is based on facts, therefore you can never go wrong.

Its a race to get through every stage of your up bringing as though tomorrow would be the last chance to prove to the world, who you are. The different stages in life feel like riding the Tour De France, each stage gets harder and harder. Where every part of your being is ready to give in, and your body is numb to the pain. No amount of any health supplement can help you recover, Yet you fight and push through each stage like it was your last chance to bridge that 2 min gap between you and the leading rider. To eventually cross that finish line your own winner.

Life doesn’t come with a manual, or a fitness program that you can follow to be the winner. Something people lose sight of is their own perception, goals and what makes them who they are today.

Do you have your own goals? and plan to achieve them?

Do you chase your dreams ? and not just have them?

Do you truly know yourself? or ignore who you are?

Become your own winner, be the person that life has molded you to be. Through every hardship and happy moment there is something that has happened to you to make you who you are today. Going through hardships in life teaches you about how far you can push yourself emotionally and mentally. Happy moments show you how quickly your mind, body and soul can recover from the hardships.

The road to getting to know the real you;

  1. Realize you don’t have to prove your worth to anyone or any thing in the world
  2. Take time to figure out what it is you enjoy
  3. Let go of all the expectations you or others may have
  4. Look after yourself, because no one will do it for you
  5. Know that fitting in; is highly overrated. We are all different individuals
  6. Remember your life is not set in stone, it is okay for things to change
  7. Don’t be your own worst enemy and judge yourself if you don’t succeed. It obviously wasn’t meant to be
  8. If you cannot control the outcome don’t stress out about it, it is out of your control
  9. Stay calm and your view will be a lot clearer
  10. Be true to what makes your clock tick


Time spent regretting, allows less time to enjoy the opportunities that present themselves right now.


The hamster wheel that never stops turning.

Hyperactivity is often a symptom of another underlying cause, such as varying mental diseases and medical. One of the main disorders associated with hyperactivity is attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD. ADHD is a disorder that causes you to become overactive, inattentive, and impulsive.

With all that said; according to the medical professionals etc… Sure it is the case with many children and adults, however does this class adults who just don’t shut up? or the adults that just don’t stop draining the life out of you no matter how hard you try and avoid them or ignore them. NO!! this doesn’t apply to them… they just down right draining… So what do you do?

Scenario;  You are seriously trying hard to concentrate and get your work done, because after all if you work from home or if you have a boss…. It is still your bread and butter at the end of the day.


So if you work from home you may have a slightly different fog horn in your ear, not allowing you to finish your work. Which may be a sick child that won’t stop nagging and you trying to meet your deadline or it may be the phone that won’t stop ringing off the hook to allow you to get done, or it may be a unhappy client.

So what do you do?

It would be a lot easier to ignore the ringing phone, and or you would need to comfort your little one and hopefully set them at ease to continue working, and we all know honestly this is not an easy task. Time is everything, set a time schedule and your schedule will need everything in it in order to accommodate all the demands life throws at you, even a relaxation /meditation hour.

So if you work from an office you would be able to relate to this. Sitting minding your own business focusing on your emails and pushing to meet stringent deadlines. No matter how hard you try there is this nagging fog horn in your ear… Oh wait its one of those people who drain the life out of you without even allowing them too.

So what do you do?

Try your damnedest to not punch them upside the head?? Sabotage their work?? Throw their prints away, if they haven’t collected them from the printer because they actually feel the need to print every thing that comes across their table as they don’t know how else to work…. So much for the environment and saving trees.

Unfortunately, as inviting and entertaining all that may be, its not the answer. People say you need to breath and stay calm “blah” “blah” “blah”. Some say follow your reporting structure if it continues, LOL what you going to say in your grievance? That fog horn is distracting me or that fog horn is making my ears bleed… Um yea that wont work out too well.

So we all know that different people, different mind sets, for those who use their brains, listen up.

Ask yourself;

Do you ever just really listen to whats happening around you?

Do you ever just observe and I mean really just take note of how these individuals react to life?

If you answered no or have no clue what I am saying, then try it.. Try just once, to get to know the individuals that are your ” fog horns”. I don’t mean that you now need to be house friends, however if you had a better understanding of the “fog horn” perhaps you would be able to deal with it in an amicable manner that will result in you being a happier less frustrated individual.

These “fog horns” focus all their attention on other peoples lives as they cannot perfect their own, or even worse they do not want to face their demons.


Health benefits to getting busy.

Many of us may be embarrassed or too afraid to explore our sexuality. Sex with the right partner, doesn’t only feel good, but it has Health Benefits too, and is said to be more affective than going to the gym.

I bet after reading that you either dancing on the tables or you’re frowning.

Here are a few Health Benefits of having sex.

1. Helps Keep Your Immune System Humming

“Sexually active people take fewer sick days,” says Yvonne K. Fulbright, PhD a sexual health expert. In my opinion those people are also a lot happier…  People who have sex have higher levels of what defends your body against germs, viruses, and other intruders. Researchers at Wilkes University in Pennsylvania found that college students who had sex once or twice a week had higher levels of the a certain antibody compared to students who had sex less often. You should obviously still do all the “right”  things that make your immune system happy, such as:   Eat right, Stay active; as in walking and physically active, Get enough sleep, most importantly Use PROTECTION if you don’t know both of your STD statuses.

2. Boosts Your Libido

Longing for a more lively sex life? “Having sex will make sex better and will improve your libido. The saying of the more you do it, the more you’ll want it applies here. For women, having sex increases their vaginal lubrication, blood flow, and elasticity, all of which make sex feel better and help you crave more of it.  You’ll be ready any time…. which is beneficial for men and woman…..

3. Improves Women’s Bladder Control

A strong pelvic floor is important for all the ladies, something that will affect about 30% of women at some point in their lives. Good sex is like a workout for your pelvic floor muscles ladies. When you have an orgasm, it causes contractions in those muscles, which strengthens them.

4. Lowers Your Blood Pressure

Research suggests a link between sex and lower blood pressure, says Joseph J. Pinzone, MD. One landmark study found that sexual intercourse specifically (not masturbation) lowered systolic blood pressure.” That’s the first number on your blood pressure test ( for all those who have high blood pressure, this isn’t a reason to not take your chronic meds..LOL).

5. Counts as Exercise

“Sex is a really great form of exercise. It won’t replace the treadmill, but it counts for something. Sex uses about five calories per minute, four more calories than watching TV. It increases your heart rate and uses various muscles. So get busy! You may even want to clear your schedule to make time for it on a regular basis.

“Like with exercise, consistency helps maximize the benefits,”

Please note that all the above has been scientifically proven.


Let me have your comments and opinion. Was this helpful ?




Introduction to Lifestyle?! Passion?! Desire?!

Lifestyle?! Passion?! Desire?!

The opportunity to express exactly what it says. Many of us go through life without having anyone who just gets us…. We may have a wife/husband/life partner/brother/sister or relative that might be able to pick us up and lift our spirits, or prayer, However that may not always be suitable for the situation we may be facing. This blog is not designed with the aim to  replace any belief or system that may work for you. Perhaps you may find a different perspective?

The world doesn’t always supply us with the comfort and view that we may require to get through the situation in our life, this is all about giving a different view.

Happy reading, and may our journey together prosper.